the crowd begins to sing

i spent an hour on a post yesterday exploring relationships. then i didnt post it in the end, but then today sulyn askedme some stuff which made me wonder if i should put that hour to good use. but i shant because its too much of myself to put up here. and though i like to think my blog is obscure, what if isnt

anyway, i think im really blessed. i was wondering today how i became goalie. and its mostdef not a glam sport of position, but it suits me perfectly. i was thinking, what if i had to do stick work and had to practice that much to have such good ball control. if i couldnt do it with a basketball, i doubt i could with a floorball and stick. im only good at pushing myself? like running is just making myself run and endure, and somewhat like it, i just have to make my body respond faster to block the ball. it suits me fine. and whats more, i have no idea why i was so ready to join floorball as a goalie, but i did, and it has been the best thing ever.a better CCA? i dont think so. i really am grateful for our seniors and for my batchmates. i entered in on a whim, and its worked out awesomely (: and then today, despite a busted wrist, the coach keeps me and lets someone else go? being goalie (and not a stick player) has opened so many doors for me, like Agape, LMFC and now combined schools. it was a whim, it may not have been my plan, but it really does seem like His plan and im so grateful.

whims are great.

i dont know. i think sometimes when we think things are hard, theyre going terribly, you see how God has solves one of your past problems so wonderfully, you cant help but trust that he’ll make this okay too. yay.

we crash when we race

oh this is not the way that it should end,
its the way it should begin,
its the way it should begin, again

No, i never want to fall apart
never want to break your heart,
never want to let you break my heart

Yes, i know we said alot of things
that we probably didnt mean
but its not too late to take them back

so before you say you gonna go
i should probably let you know
i never knew what i had
i never knew what i had

unless you know absolutely what this means dont speculate. because i dont really either.

but i have it blasted on my rooms speakers which is awesome, because with the bass and all, it beats laptop speakers by a mile, and i was thinking if i should change my msn nick. then i was thinking, wouldnt it be great it i could put this song on msn. like play it to everyone. that music to me. it should be played. so im running this song over and over. for almost 4 hours already. or maybe more?

i should get started on chem, yet im talking to people. to lyn, jan, jacob, tim, lingmin all at the same time (just kill my phone bill now please thanks) but its making me happy so i shall procrastinate and regret it later. but when i write it down like that, yes im happy (: i have mapeeps and yay (:

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FML

you know that feeling where, because you havnt i-am-proud-of-myself succeeded in a long time, you feel terribly insecure and unconfident? that feeling sucks. and i am damn sure i am going to screw up OP, which will screw up PW’s overall grade which will screw up A levels.

i am in the worst mood in the entire year i think. i havnt felt this helpless, this sad and this resigned ever. not when i was facing the sundown marathon, not when i was facing people and not when i was facing promos. this is after a year of failures and i cant quite take it anymore. give me a break please.

sixeee (:

i think i miss good english. listening to myself speak, sometimes im amazed at how nonsensical the things i say sound like, grammatically. but! i still write relatively alright! like my grammar isnt cringe worthy, though the punctuation is quite bad. i may rant and have run on sentences, and omit punctuation when i feel like it, but overall, i have proper sentences!

and when i write GP essays, my english is good and my punctuation returns with a vengeance. run on sentences die off early and rants are cut short. i miss good english. is it possible to speak good english without sounding like a snob?

CLASS SLEEPOVER was epic. srsly! 20 out of 27 people turned up. 74% we get an A and its amazing how non-conflicty we are. the most we fight about it how stupid the movie is! and we were all doing our stuff last night there werent many pictures oh well. but before there were! the past week actually. making teachers cards was super bonding thank you tim. and the dinner/movie/sleepover was an awesome idea weeki! he did all the planning i only provided the house. PICTURES ON FB SOON

and when my entire class is at my house (with no internet) only half the usual number read my blog. what does that say? haha kidding, just a thing i noticed (:

aaand, suleman mirza WATCH (:

when it comes to missing you

i fel extremely… reflective now i think. as a consequence of talking to a couple of people and lyn’s facebook note. i feel both thankful, sympathetic/empathetic, idk i just hurt too because shes so depressed. and these two people that i love so much? it just capped off a wonderful/okay day.

 

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

- Bob Marley

 

 

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can’t I paint you? The words would never show, the You I have come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships, then where am I to go? There is no one Home but you; you’re all that’s left me to.
And when my love for life is running dry, you come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be at two places at one time, I would be with you tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving, spinning, slowly down to die, I would spend the end with you.
And when the world was through, then one by one the stars would all fall down.

Then you and I would simply fly away…

 

houseness-es

yes!! im not emo today, so this will not be a depressing dampening post that will make readers feel like a) asking me to keep a lid on it b) throw themselves off the building c) throw me off the building. yay

hmm, this week has been exceedingly tiring, simply because i am not used to doing so many things anymore. used to be, but since the dawning of promos, when CCA, extra activities ( like opsmile and photog ops) ceased, i have gone home after school or gone to study everyday. and that had been my sole purpose in life. now though, i have to juggle pw (yet again), photog ops (IHC WAS FUN THOUGH i miss taking photos (: ) going out and still, impending assessments. so, i think i conclude that i am more busy now than before. case in point: i have differentiation tutorial, organic chemistry tut, superposition tut, op slides, op script to complete by approximately tues or latest wednesday. i am going out with abi followed by jacob tmr (yes, same day) then will rush home to do op and neglect my tutorials. hmm, that does not sound good but it makes for a good case in point.

IHC was exciting. it was exhilarating. it felt really really good. this is because i have not picked up the d90 in a long time. a long long time. i havnt taken anything in ages, and even before that, i did more film than digital so i really neglected the d90. for IHC though, i brought the d90 to school ( and 6E is an extremely camwhore class!) which made it all the more fun. i love my class! i really really do! dont change ever please k. plOxx hor.

then taking IHC itself, it was awesome to start experimenting with the d90 again. and seeing good photos come out? priceless. really. and then on wednesday, it was ultimate frisbee IHC. playing frisbee in PE is one thing when youre trying not to sweat, letting the guys do all the work and basically staying in the shade. its another when there are only four people on your team and youre fighting for your house’s honour (not to mention the Tshirt which we didnt get despite getting a shiny gold trophy LYN/SHORT D: ) you really run, really put aside painful body parts and injury and please, sweat? dunk yourself in it. (abi did lie in the muddy grass. i guess thats more than sweat hehe) it really really felt great. smth i havnt felt since season, kind of ironic since i ponned trng to go for IHC. and thursday was awesome too!

lardidar

whut the. seriously argharghargh

a week of the past; a bit of comfort

from claire chew’s ALBUM OF ENCOURAGEMENT on facebook. its for the J2s but seeing how tmr is results day (and i will bawl my eyes out and some others – not all – will too) i figured this might be appropriate. shortened btw.

leave a comment about all the terrible things that have/could have happened to you. or check fml

is a really good attitude to have right now.

is an even better attitude to have

so get out your gear

boomboom?

boomz

BOOMZ

but dont fear

some things always are

do stupid things

really sound reasoning

we’ve got nothing to lose by going all out

if you tell yourself you can do it, youll imagine it happening, and itll really happen

so make the right choices

conquer the world

we’re in this together…

so

and dream (really) big

the weekend we were in love

i cant get myself to get going and do what i have to. its like ive degenerated to a state where i can only flop to my bed and sleep.

i have no plans for tmr and its making me miserable.

and training today was quite bad, again. my knees shiny. because my skin is soft and poofy and not tough! so abrasions, bruises and pain galore. somehow i feel like italicating every other word. i have a bruise on my neck, my shoulder, my wrist, and faint ones on various places on my arms and legs. i dont mind them really, because it shows that i do my job, but at that time it hurt like hell. for the first time in a long time, i really didnt want another ball to smack my hand. bloody painful. i hate not training because then i feel like im even less part of the team.

and next weeks combined school trials already. im not even going to dream.

ooh, its the same dress if you can tell

i think i wash my hands of this.

we’re too much for the world to take down

top book on the to-buy list now?  the book by scott schuman. DD:

its post promos! and its just hit me that the work doesnt end after promos. i mean, i can pick up pokemon, but i dont really dare open avatar because once it starts it doesnt stop, and i cant let myself slack, because theres still: floorball running photog orientation chinese and PW and that should be more than enough to fill up my slots of time. really, it should be, and these are all things i should put over pokemon and avatar (as much as pikachu is so cute can i never evolve it?)

and so, I AM STRESSED. please to be slapping me thanks. because its post promos and i just cant relax. just pinch me and kill me and hammer me and wham me. its just not possible to relax wen people around me are talking about SATs and internships and portfolios when im not. and i just want to go WHOOSH and forget about it all. but i know ill regret it later (just like how im regretting some things in the past now) so i wont let myself.

ive lost my mojo for photography, or what amount of it i had in the first place..

im sorry if i only ever blog when im my mind is full and that is seldom a good thing. because when im happy, im high, and i float.

do you ever have that feeling when you just want to pull at your hair, clutch at your hair, scream and cry, and pour everything out?

i cried at the biggest loser today. the biggest loser! wth, it wasnt even the show. the house was empty, there wasnt anyone around but me, finally, and it just seemed a good time to cry. because things are rather screwed up now and i would very much like to become a hermit. i wish i could remove all the unnecessary details from my life. i would like to not go to school. i would sit and stare and just breathe. i would not do anything i didnt want to.

i would not care.

You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
The tears coming down,
making lines on your face.
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

maybe its true

lyn and i really need to take more pictures when we’re out, because when we end of the day in high giggly fits, its just pure joy. i love my shoes.

umum, saturdays photomarathon? it was more for exposure than anything else, because i realised that i havnt touched the d90 in over 3 months and i dont really like the colours of digital compared to film. which is kinda impossible and i cant, so i just have to get used to it. but i like this!

a sense of security is terribly deceiving and creates an illusion of safety. keywords: deceiving; illusion.

 

im in this state where i want to be contemplative. i want to be productive and no, i do not mean with my promotional exams. i mean, with my life. i want to feel like im moving somewhere. and i need people to move with me. i guess its friction when you and people around you have conflicting attitudes and everything. i put everything there because i just dont feel like launching into a paragraph on what everything entails. so imagine attitudes, goals in life, passion for life, the way you approach things. because if people dont do this remotely similarly the way you do, one will hold back the other. and that doesnt work.

MOVE. soon, in 18 hours.

i would like to dedicate Taylor Swift’s Love Story to everyone in Maris Stella High’s 4Edward except Jun Jie.

bwahah

its like standing at the edge of a cliff.

id like to say that i quit. i throw in the towel. white flag. hands up.

but even when im at my lowest point in tears and frustration and anger and all, i cant even give up properly. what the hell is wrong with me. and when im feeling my shittiest i want to run back to whats familiar, i but i guess i dont have the right to.

but i still quit.

lionization

by Hao Qin. it just about sums up Day One:

Comprehension was epic.

What the hell is cosmic-level? 

to lionize (third-person singular simple present lionizes, present participle lionizing, simple past and past participle lionized)
(transitive) To treat (a person) as if he were important, or a celebrity.
(transitive) To visit famous places in order to revere them.
(intransitive) To behave as a lion.

AQ was retarded.

I tried to gives examples of local ‘heroes’ that follow the classical hero stereotype, and that was our Table Tennis team, and ‘heroes’ that don’t.

They include: Mr William Tan, the old lady that goes around helping other elderlies and the doctor that died during SARS pandemic. Fail.

and maybe its not loud enough, but im sekritly screaming and wailing and yes, im sekritly insane. 

bloody hell. why will my self worth be determined in the next 7 days. i so need a hug.

 

 

in other news….

Jerald took the quiz “Where in Europe should you be from?” and the result is “GERMANY“.

Math and numbers come easily for you, but being in sync with the German spirit is much more than that. You also possess the hardworking, dedica…

Read More

 

Jamie Foo 

jerald han!

2 hours ago

Darius Kok jerald han!

Jerald Han 

uhh. hello

Rebecca Tan 

hahahahahaha

ill be a witness in the silences when words are not enough

Maybe its just hit me that promos start tmr. like in 12 hours time. wait. nope, it hasnt even hit me yet. 

im going to use the common line that, its GP! whats there to study! STILL, im nervous, panicky, wound up. im just worried ill blank out tmr then, well, ITE. 

is there no small break from the never ending stream of work, responsibilities and is there no reprieve from ‘conscientiousness ‘. hate that word. it implies consistency, sustained effort and a lack of laziness. which is not human nature. at all. humans are fallible but i guess JC doesnt allow entry for humans. they demand an automated, robotic machine like production of results. which we give them which further encourages them to demand more, better, higher. and then some more. it all but takes your life for two whole years. kind of like NS, but then guys still have it worse and longer than girls (sorry guys). it drains you and makes you question the purpose of all your work.

but then you slap yourself and remind yourself youre neither human nor fallible. and such thoughts are – obviously, since im bringing it up – human and fallible. so you put aside all time energy and even emotional capacity, previously for friends and family and emotions like sadness, resignation and vulnerability – anger is alright apparently – for work. 

and our saving grace – thank goodness – is that we have people we love with us in it together. its not a vindictive statement, but rather, one that connotes comradeship – think of it as taking steps together like in a three legged race. we spur each other one, sometimes competitively, otherwise encouragingly. and in doing so, we find reprieve amidst the furore in pw, the feverish burying of heads in textbooks and the automative orientation towards the fourth floor. spastic moments galore. bring it on.

and i notice the only capital letter in this entire post is the very first letter. at least it ends with a fullstop. here.

every hearts exploding

No more ‘boomz’, no more ‘When I walk down Orchard Road…’ impressions.

Stupidity is catching. 

*

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

We are a group of Singaporeans who realize that Miss Ris Low has been recently crowned Miss Singapore World 2009, and would like everyone to please leave the whole hooha alone and JUST GET OVER THE WHOLE THING.

We realize that Ris Low is not a shining example of the Singapore intelligentsia or elite. We realize that Miss Low lacks a competent grasp of Standard English, and is not intellectually inclined. 

We also note that as Miss Singapore World 2009, Miss Low is capable of speaking in complete sentences, forming opinions, explaining her point of view, and far more importantly, smiling for the camera nicely. 

(Some of us would even applaud her for being brave enough to be herself and being willing to speak her mind. 
That she has room for improvement isn’t the issue.)

We understand that Miss Low not likely a good choice as a crowned winner of a Singaporean beauty pageant, much less as a representative of Singapore as a whole, since beauty pageants may yet be a platform to showcase Singapore’s talent and glamour. 

Perhaps the person of Miss Low does reflect some pertinent issues with Singapore’s younger generation, such as their widespread use of Singlish and lack of intellectual rigour. 

We at least would like to say that we have nothing against Miss Low, and hold her in respect as an individual. We would like to say we believe that we can better respect her opinions and privacy, by simply leaving the poor woman alone. 

We are also frankly tired of the impersonations, the media frenzy and the endless tittering. Some of us cannot help but feel that, all this surely speaks poorly of the maturity level of our society. 

We realize that the alarming nature Ris Low’s speech patterns are a cause of wide discussion, especially on the nature and role of Singlish in Singapore society. We hold nothing against this.

To repeat her catchphrases endlessly and mindlessly (till even they lose their novelty) is another. 

In short, to believe her utterances stupid, and yet keep repeating them, is to simply compound the level of stupidity present in Singapore. 

May all Singaporeans please desist, for the greater good of society. 

Thank you very much for your attention.

* 

(The further discussion of Miss Low’s traits and flaws is highly discouraged here. Thank you.)

 

apart from the laughs, i frankly couldnt care less.

she’s got it rushing through her veins

and then the poisoning starts. i cant help what they say.

 

and so today at 3am i completed pw WR save for the necessary word count reduction which i refused to continue with. then i proceeded to wake up at 645 as usual and rolled myself off the bed. literally.

going to school, i dreaded being the downer in people’s otherwise happy day. being stressed, sleep deprived and possibly grouchy, not much fun to be around. so i decided to distance myself as much as possible so that people wouldnt have to put up with me. haha that didnt really work out. nothing really worked out today actually other than the fact that mskaur approved our report like, ‘okay youre done’ AAAHHHHHHHHYEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“move, you boob”

i think sooner or later i somehow ruin what i have. seriously its a matter of wanting a dream now here immediately. and i cant be patient to wait it out. which is strange because im quiiite a patient person? or maybe not with myself. or maybe its because i dont have to be patient cos i make people wait for me. so in the end i cant help but for thank them for/ be grateful that they somehow see something worth it in me.  i dont see what people see in me (not complaining though). im average, mediocre even and thats why i cant help but constantly work hard until i reach a level i can be proud of. until i become a person im proud to be. and argh, i hate it when i feel like i fall short of my own standards. but then i remind myself that things happen and you just arghargh for awhile then move on. there are too many mistakes and insufficient energy to agonize over each. so moving on..

i want promos to be over. i want promos to be over so that the common thing that binds all of us together is not stress and overcoming this hurdle. i want it to be real interests, real laughter. its just scary to think that other than studies we dont have enough in common. 

i guess im just in this extremely helpless mood now. because i hate it when people are uncommunicative and i dont know whats going on specifically in their heads (because that is what really matters right) and after all the late nights and long talks and emotional burdens and how could i forget, incessant mugging  i just want to break down and cry.

and just cry. yet.

i cant because people see me and think im good at something (WHAT) and if the one whos dependable breaks down who do you look to. i dont know. i really want to give up and this afternoon as i contemplated leaning on the back of the chair to rest my head for awhile, i realised i couldnt, because, who knew what vital information my group would delete in a bid to down the wordcount. so i took my tired head off my arms and made myself help. and so continues the never ending work that must be done. withdrawing to take time off is not an option either, because time is so scarce, any time for myself means less for others. so though sometimes i want to disappear during breaks to wander aimlessly (at raja block in circles) i go to the canteen and offer weak smiles. i want to be myself again not for myself but for others, isnt it such a burden when someone is lifeless? thats how i feel anyway. more often than not however being around people makes me happy. lyn jcb lm nigel jan  jerald abi i dunno, i just bounce when i see them. but maybe ive crossed this invisible line where i now only bounce inside. boink. because bounching outside requires actual energy.

still, my refuge is my friends and if theyll have me when im half of myself, then yayy.

and maybe because i dont see what people see in me i always have a niggling feeling i have some other use to them than just great company. or last resort company. this applies to people im not terribly close to. if i have insecurities, there it is, laid out in front there. i dont really care who knows now because only a handful of people i know will read this, none of whom are malicious to me. and if i dont know them, they dont matter to me. or, i simply dont care if people know. everyone has insecurities about something. heres mine.

 

and at the end of the day i think im at my wits end. so the first thing i think of is to drop everything and fold into your arms.

i can imagine the glorious happiness on one side and the polite indifference on the other.

arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.arghpeedubs.

my life is on hold until promos are over and i cant believe im spending my time worrying about peedubs when i should be doing FINISH ionic equilibrium. omg, begone. everything. i just want to be gay and happy and flit about. soon, give me two weeks and ill be the happiest person, training, running with lm, shopping cutting hair buying shoes with lyn, cycling, spend whole days. ill just be, whoooosshhh. 

what a buzz

is it telling when you change back? when you break off from people it isnt permanent but its instead to fulfill some obligation or criteria? it may be appreciated but it also shows that its a false pretense. that youd break off with friends for the sake of smth when you actually dont want to, and once you dont have to anymore, you can go right back to them. its only fortunate that said friends are forgiving enough. have the time of your life.

grahgrahgrah. this friday will be the very very last piano lesson. and its starting to feel like a bad thing. though i love having evenings free and all that, if i could access an alternate universe where time didnt overlap, id gladly continue. and somehow, the order in which i let go of my students was from most favorite to least favorite, but at the same time, when the best student leaves, others step up to take their place. they improve and when the students and parents are sad im leaving, its really damn fulfilling. ill miss trying to be a friend to these kids. and btw hearing about the number of extra lessons they have, im afraid for kids of the future. maybe be we all shouldnt have kids to spare them from the system..

plus, i think im quite screwed up. everything time i think back on what ive just done, i always know what i should have done instead. and even when the next time comes round again, i still do it again. just slow down. yup, i think i just need to stop rushing from place to place. its not good for the people around me, if i keep needing to go elsewhere. id rather focus on one thing at a time tyvm. somehow i have this funny mental image of just sitting cross legged on a chair glancing from side to side.

oh, and i dont feel like going to school tmr. todays been a bad nose day.

and i feel vaguely sedated because i took two panadol colds..

we’d both drown
up down round and round
look into the iris and gently collapse
we’d stay here forever perhaps
all thoughts stopped, all movements stayed
nothing else left, this is all for what we’d wait.

because there was no other way to go

Don’t get me wrong I’d never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you

I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah

Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations

Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won’t escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need 

 

sometimes i feel such a need for vengeance and to feel vindicated that i scare myself. and i when i do that i hum jesus lover of my soul, or, look for other people to talk to. amazing people have amazing abilities to lift my spirits. i dont even have to tell them, or talk to them about whats bothering me really, talking to them is enough, its like my high. escapism. it has to be a genre or a literary concept or smth. but it gets my goat the most when someone i dont want to creeps into my ‘territory’. its not even logical and its probably not even justified, but heres why it gets to me. im fine with people i dont really like (not many but they exist) as long as they dont come near me. dont come near me means dont talk to me, dont enter my circles. now that sounds really bad, and i have no excuse really, but i cant stand it if when one day i walk into class for eg. and find out this person i dont like transfered in. i may not have to talk to the person, but just being there irks me. shit, i hate this feeling, because when the person enroaches, i feel more than ever the need to improve and compete.

random: to stave off a sorethroat/fever, eat a 6kg watermelon. might not be cheap though…

anyway! post promos plans are!
1. start running properly again
2. take the my baby out for a spin
3. rent all the movies we ever wanted to see and missed and marathon!
4. o team ftw
5. clear my wardrobe and…
6. shop! 

woots

im listening to two songs that have got me singing along. whooo. not smth easy considering im doing pee dubs at the same time. gotta love that phrase. the one bright spot in this dark task.

i suppose i actually need to blog. and not just post songs. soon, very soon.

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You’ve set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know

I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

Come, now is the time to worship

Come, now is the time to worship
Come, now is the time to give your heart
Come, just as you are to worship
Come, just as you are before your God
Come

One day ev’ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev’ry knee will bow
Still the greatest treause remains for those,
Who gladly choose you now

Come, now is the time to worship
Come, now is the time to give your heart
Come, just as you are to worship
Come, just as you are before your God
Come

One day ev’ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev’re knee will bow
Still the greates treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose you now
Ooh, we’re calling You
Calling all nations
Now is the time
One day ev’ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev’ry knee will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose you now

One day ev’ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev’re knee will bow
Still the greates treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose you now

worried minds make frowny faces

i hate not knowing what/why things are happening. i also hate it when i have six sense inklings but cant get anything out of people. then am i supposed to ignore my six sense inkling or just take the persons word for it. because i dont get these antaenna alerts very often, and when i do, i cant stop thinking and thinking until i get some answers. and by answers, honest true answers. not the reassuring kind that just makes me more worried.

im kinda relaxed for everything now, with the exception of pw, because its my section that has the most work to be done. but other than that, i think my enthusiasm for studying is kinda detrimental. cos then it makes other people uneasy and the last thing thats true, is that studying is more important than people. the problem with me is i get stressed easily, so to stop myself from being stressed, i do what i have to. so i can go out with people, play without having this niggling feeling at the back of my head. all the studying is just to make myself feel better, but its selfish cos then i neglect people, and that just sucks so too bad, ill just have to be less stressed and stop thinking about studying so much. its not bigger than my friends.

anyways! this is my first post, in like awhile. and thats just because i havnt had a reason to blog. the past few days have been absolutely gorgeous. cept for the fact i need to run. but monday: discovered nyp is a very nice place to study tuesday: discovered the mos burger at velocity is deserted wednesday: school libraries + subway gossip thursday: harbourfront/vivo woots! and friday: windy benches mugging. all in all, really, i had a super fun week and when im happy, i dont blog.

bah, well. i say im happy anyway. im not high when im happiest so. because when im happiest at totally at peace with the world, and i just sit back and soak it in.

what have i done

ahhh okay i dont care. its 9am now and im supposed to be starting on periodicity but im leaving in less than an hour so i refuse. i think im going mad.

a wonderwall of stars

i think i started using song lyrics in lieu of writing actual original thoughts because precisely then it wouldnt be my thoughts, wouldnt be directed at anyone, and no one would think anything of it. oh well. i think i like writing my own stuffs, so i shall. occasionally anyway.

okay, im worried for promos. other people get me in this panicked mode then i just want to sit somewhere for hours and literally, literally bury my head in a book (preferably a TYS) and do it. argh argh argh. i just know that all my effort will not pay off, because somehow the way i study is wrong so there is no relation between the number of hours i put in and the marks i get. or maybe there is, but it just plateaus after a while. pffftttt, help! imma bug ms hong and ms ng with hour long sessions of annoying question asking.

and i think im going to splurge my last paycheck on the TLR lens. am i?

 

AH FORGET IT IM GOING TO POACH A SONG AGAIN. i lovelovelovelove this song. lovelovelovelove this song. love this version

Saw you from a distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

In a sea of people
There is only you
I never knew what the song was about
But suddenly now I do

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights
A wonderwall of stars
But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Saw you from the distance
Saw you from the stage
Something about the look in your eyes
Something about your beautiful face

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Can’t let the music stop
Can’t let this feeling end
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never see you again
Can’t let the music stop
Until I touch your hands
Cause if I do it’ll all be over, I’ll never get the chance again
I’ll never get the chance again

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Reach out as far as you can
Only me, only you, and the band
Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand
Yeah, yeah, yeah